Codependency is Not Support
If we are serious about the future of education, work, and leadership in this country, then we need to stop pretending the warning signs are minor. They are not.
This recent BuzzFeed piece, built around teachers’ observations from the classroom, is unsettling not because any one example is shocking on its own, but because the pattern is so familiar: students struggling with basic skills, weak accountability, and a culture that too often confuses support with the removal of standards.It is alarming when students are unable to summarize a paragraph, much less write one clearly, by the time they reach middle school. It is troubling when some cannot read an analog clock, or when basic practical skills that once marked early independence are delayed far longer than they should be. Even more concerning is the underlying attitude that effort, mastery, and accountability are optional, yet advancement is automatic.This erosion of independence, judgment, and self-possession extends beyond the classroom. Too many young adults are reaching their 20s without the habits real life requires: preparation, resilience, critical thinking, communication skills, and the ability to function without constant intervention.
The Alarm Bell Has Already Rung
As reported in online Parents, the workforce consequences are here. A 2026 Zety survey of employed Gen Z workers found that 20 percent said a parent had joined them for a job interview, and 20 percent said a parent had contacted an employer or recruiter on their behalf. Other reports suggest that parental involvement can extend into résumé writing, compensation discussions, and other parts of the hiring process.That is not healthy support. It is a sign that too many young adults have not developed the independence adulthood demands. In some cases, these may be the same parents who challenged teachers, demanded grades their children had not earned, and blamed institutions rather than expecting more from the student. By the time the job interview arrives, the damage has been done: dependence has been reinforced, not resolved.When parents attend interviews or step in to negotiate salaries their adult children should be discussing themselves, employers are no longer evaluating an independent candidate. They are evaluating a parental support structure. An interview is not a parent-teacher conference. It is a professional assessment of whether an adult can prepare, communicate, think critically, and present themselves with professionalism. Once a parent enters that process, the interview is compromised.
A Real-World Example
I have seen a version of this firsthand. A few summers ago, I mentored an intern who believed that his presence alone would open doors with senior leaders. He ignored advice to prepare, do research, and develop a point of view that would distinguish him. One executive later told me he was underprepared and ended the meeting after 15 minutes. On remote calls, this same intern would sometimes join while walking on his StairMaster. It may sound minor, but it reflected something larger: a failure to understand that professionalism, preparation, and self-awareness matter.
Support is Not Codependency
Of course students need support, and children need encouragement. But teachers need support too. They need the freedom to teach, to advance those who are ready, and to stand their ground when a student has not earned the right to move forward. True support means preparing young people to function without constant rescue. The goal was never permanent dependency. This is, in part, a values issue that starts at home and is reinforced throughout the system. Society can care about children’s well-being and still hold them to meaningful, complementary standards in knowledge, behavior, and ethics. If we want capable leaders, thoughtful citizens, and a strong workforce 5 or 50 years from now, then we need to stop lowering the bar and pretending there is no cost.